We all have seen “elders” in our families and how they believe in certain things -- follow things a certain way etc… More often than not, we don’t agree with their approaches, philosophy and issues that concern them. This article attempts to list some of these and then introspect around as to what we should do to end this “vicious” cycle of bitterness that exists between Gen X and Gen X+1 !
A lot of us are experiencing a resurgent India, one where you don’t have to book your Bajaj Scooter. Wait for a telephone line was more than 10 years and the most ridiculous of all – you needed “connections and influence” to get a HMT watch… How many of us remember that ? It happened during my lifetime as well. The generation before really went through some really tough and traumatic times. Right from medical care to essential food items, they had to rush in and invest everything in “Yearly supply” in Rice, DAL and even Tamarind !! The only enjoyment possible was occasional drama/dance and some movies. No television as well. This is a generation that has grown up without experiencing what entertainment should be. Their life revolved around home, marriage visits, occasional cinema and of course a Kacheri or two. The “job” -- for the men it was outside an women inside – the home, though nobody recognized the enormity of the job of a woman. She was branded as “housewife” with some not so glorifying assumptions about the person’s intellect if she were a “housewife”!
Make no mistake, this generation though it had no means “compared to the lifestyles of today” still gave the best of education and opportunities that were relevant to the times, be it Sanskrit classes or typewriting classes, they all were dutifully arranged and “employable” skills were built into you by this generation…
For some reason, men from this generation when they are “in laws” don’t exhibit the same bitterness as women do. Perhaps, the “downtrodden” nature of the housewife brand is playing a role here but women from this generation are particularly bitter about their life, there a few exceptions but they are just that – exceptions !
When a Maami is single you will find a constant game of one upmanship will begin. Whether you know the raasi for your nakshatram, the thiti for today, whether it is sukla paksham or not. Do you remember whether today is thiruvadhirai etc, to such an extent the life becomes a constant Quiz competition. Usually, the women of generation X+1 bear the brunt of this interaction. Unless we show understanding this vicious cycle of bitterness will continue…
Now, when two women of earlier generation meet, the competition moves to a totally differently level and usually exponentially harder for the woman of the newer generation. Both the oldies will have conversations which usually take the following form:
1. “Naangal Yellam …. நாங்கள் எல்லாம்” Will usually be the beginning of every alternate sentence, with how they used to do things differently, with a hidden jibe or two about how the women of today are doing inferior things. It really doesn’t matter how irrelevant or insignificant the whole thing it is, as long as there is a “Naangal Yellam Athai appadi thaan seivom” possibility anything is fair game!
2. There will be constant competition as to who is closer to Kanchi Acharya …
3. Worst, when two such maamis are there when you ask, what shall make for dinner or lunch, boy you have no idea of the trouble you are about to run into.
a. Usually, they will be deadlocked with each one waiting for the other to go first, be thankful if this happens to you, because actually it is the best response you can get…
b. One will start, “I don’t need much (எனக்கு ஜாஸ்தி வேண்டாம்)”, with the other doing better, “ I am still full with what I ate a week ago, nothing for me”. Finally the decision would be “Write Meal on a piece of paper, that is enough for me (நீ பேபர்ல சாப்பாடுன்னு எழுதி கொடுத்துடு, அது போதும்)”… level of degeneration, all of course with constant reminders as to how “I really don’t want to be imposing on anybody” (நான் யாருக்கும் பாரமாக இருக்க விரும்பலை). Of course, there is poetical exaggeration of how the whole thing goes, but you get the idea…
c. The icing on the cake, in such an interaction is -- it will be intense if the two maamis happen to be Sambandhis
4. Usually when the husband and wife go together out whether it is for school program for your child, or a movie or whatever usually there is also constant frowning as to “Why both of you need to go ?”. Again, to them it will appear unusual, because of the relative vaccum (in such things) they have grown up with in their lives…
Now, we are all humans, so how do we break out of this vicious cycle, I dunno. We (myself & wife) have told my kids and given them a diary of such things that we hate when they happen to us. With a request that in the future when we become like this show this diary and ask us to course correct….
Any Ideas ? Hurry up, I am increasingly being called "Uncle" now :-(
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